Tuesday, 27 March 2012

Five Sentence Fiction: Wicked




She sat beneath the camellia, absently rubbing a broad, waxy leaf between finger and thumb. Only the tips of her feet, clad in baby pink Mary Janes, peeped out as heavy drops of rain began to fall echoing the weight in her heart. Bile rose in her throat and a wave of nausea threatened to remind her of breakfast. Her name rang out and she pressed her tiny spine against the thick, shrubby stem desperately biting her hand to prevent the accumulating sobs from noisily escaping – silence was vital. Heavy brogues padded up the garden path, searching, coaxing and impatient…and pink shoes gently withdrew from sight, receding beneath the camellia’s protection. 

Photograph from: http://www.treesdirect.co.uk/shop/celebration-days/camellia-japonica-

Note: If you need to know what happens...find out in my National Flash Fiction Day piece here...

10 comments:

  1. Wonderful - in an 'oh my goodness please tell me she is going to be safe' kind of way!! :)

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    1. This is one of the reasons I like these exercises so much...it's a snapshot of a moment, and the next sentence could move the story in a variety of ways! Good or bad...

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  2. Lovely writing! You have a way of creating images that speak louder than words. Beautiful!! :)

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  3. Excellent, wonderfully constructed to project the horror of the scene without being explicit. Well done.

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  4. You are so talented!! You really bring a scene alive!

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  5. Thank you everyone, I love writing these five sentences... some of the words are real challenge, but it's great to go places that are out of your comfort zone!

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  6. Oh dear Lisa - I commented on your story a while ago but it doesn't look like it was posted :(( I wanted you to know I thought it was wonderful! The image of the pink shoes tucking under the camelia is poetic. You did a marvelous job on this!

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    1. Thank you for your comments Jo-Anne, I chose a difficult subject for this one, but very happy with it!

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  7. Oh WOW! This just made me so angsty!! My heart is about to burst! Off to read the newest story. Thank the literary gods for that!

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  8. Wow; such amazing imagery and description chicken. You've created a tense moment that I find myself holding my breath with her , such is the empathy you have created. xxx

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