Monday, 21 May 2012

Five Sentence Fiction: Foggy


I plummeted, yes, that's the only word for it, I plummeted through the thick and chill early morning air unravelling coils of mist that attempted to snare me as I fell. Buffeted and pummelled, I felt goose-pimples erupt across my exposed skin, and there was time enough to feel my damp hair whip back and forth in the funnel of turbulence left in my wake.
I closed my eyes.
My body shrieked and my mind fogged as I smacked into the water, and panic rose like a phoenix from ashes, and as I swirled down, embraced, welcomed by the depths of the lake, I wondered...for the first time, I wondered.
Had it really been a good idea to pack so many pebbles into so many pockets?

Photograph by Lisa Shambrook

10 comments:

  1. Great Story ... I like the imagery and the forlorn humore at the end - not quite what I would think ... clever!

    Robert

    ReplyDelete
  2. Lisa, you've done it again! Your stories are uniquely yours - with your fluid and evocative imagery. Really enjoyed this :))

    ReplyDelete
  3. Great use of the prompt and what wonder description and the pebbles in the pockets. How long can you hold your breath?

    ReplyDelete
  4. I agree with the others, the imagery in this is fantastic and I love the pebbles. Nicely done!

    ReplyDelete
  5. The descriptions are rich and full of life. I love the line 'and panic rose like a phoenix from ashes.' I also love the bit of humor in the last line. Great picture too!!

    ReplyDelete
  6. Yeowch! I love "I plummeted through the thick and chill early morning air unravelling coils of mist that attempted to snare me as I fell." Beautiful language and imagery!

    ReplyDelete
  7. I agree with the others, the imagery is finely tuned in this story, leaving us to wonder about how she ended up plummeting. Delightful!

    ReplyDelete
  8. Great descriptions here. I think it probably wasn't a good idea - the pebbles. Nice one.

    ReplyDelete
  9. Really creative take on the prompt! Nicely done :)

    ReplyDelete
  10. Ouch! I felt that tumble...
    Great touch of humour at the end.

    ReplyDelete