Friday, 6 July 2012

Five Sentence Fiction: Pirates

The word for Five Sentence Fiction this week is: Pirates and if anyone remembers my Faerypin entry: Waiting, (Please read for full story) they'll know there's a pirate story still to be told: This is the conclusion...


He promised to return; he left his gun and blade and she said she’d wait, and as his ship sailed, he watched her standing alone on the shore, wishing he was holding her cheek to his, her salty hair shining with a halo of gold against the rising sun and her skirts, heavy with broad leaf weed, hiding her new, long legs, still shimmering with reminiscent scales...
Unhurried, his ship traversed the waves, the ocean slapping her wooden hull, and he watched as she disappeared behind the cliffs; one last quest and he’d be hers.
As he stepped away from the bulwark his feet froze as her voice, clear and pure rose over the boom of the sea...her song, keen and true...and tears slipped down his weathered face as his band of buccaneers paused, unable to bear his siren’s song.
He could never resist the plaintive call of his lover and moments later the depths had claimed the hearts of all and his boat lay abandoned in the neighbouring cove.
For years she would wait...and sing...until the day the waiting deep would welcome her return. 

16 comments:

  1. Such a fitting complement to your other piece. How they were each other's joy and sorrow in a way. Drew me in and I hoped he wouldn't succumb though I already knew he would. How sad, poor little mermaid waiting for Captain Jack. I love your fairy tales, Lisa. They are superb It's like your voice is perfect for them. Loved it.

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    1. I'm glad you think my voice is lovely for fairy tales, my WIP is dragons and fantasy adventure...so that bodes well!
      When the prompt 'Pirates' came up I knew I had to complete her story...

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  2. Beautiful! I loved Waiting when you wrote it for the faery pin contest. So glad you continued the story! Great job!

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  3. Very poignant Lisa - and lovely to read a matched pair, so to speak. It has such sadness and beauty.

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  4. I'm so glad you completed the arc.:)) You've written a lovely work to finish the story and again given it that imagery only you can do. Another story of yours that will keep me thinking of the main character!

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    1. Christina and Meg, thank you for the compliments, I'm happy I was able to complete the story, I had a soft spot for 'Waiting'...
      And Jo-Anne, imagery is so important to me, I have to write it as I see it in my head, so to know it works is lovely!

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  5. I never read the first part, but read this as a stand alone piece (of which it does). It's beautifully written with vivid images in my mind. I have now read the first piece too and I love this story! Who can resist the song of the Siren! Gorgeous pic of Captain Jack too! xxx

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  6. Sad story, beautifully written.

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  7. I came upon this as Lizzie did, just the second part, but it was still great in its own right. Loved the description of her new legs - didn't expect it.

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    1. Brian, I hoped the legs description would help those who hadn't read the first piece get who she was!
      Victoria and Lizzie, thank you for saying it's beautifully written, you make me very happy. And he he, who can resist Captain Jack? x

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  8. I hate to reiterate what everyone else said, but I also love how the two pieces complement each other. They;re both beautiful, but the description of her legs, hair and skirts was wonderful and I read it several times. It's a tragic story, but yet so lovely. Great job.

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  9. So glad you carried Waiting through! My heart stubbornly wanted her to get her happily ever after, but my head knew better. So beautiful, Lisa!! :)

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    1. JM and Ruth, I'm glad they both worked and you enjoyed the stories! It's fun to go back and complete something!

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  10. I wanted you to rescue him, but knew he had to perish. Perfect lovers' pain...and the reminder that true love defies death and lives on.


    Http://www.thejadedlens.com/2012/07/11

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    1. I love how you saw it Britton...they both went back to the ocean, who knows where it goes from there!

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  11. Hauntingly beautiful story. Wonderful take on the prompt! I thought you told it really well, the ending was perfect. Well done!!

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