Wednesday, 5 September 2012

Five Sentence Fiction: Faces

Photograph by Lisa Shambrook (please do not use without permission)

Time was moving fast, with no thought for anyone or anything.
She sat, an anonymous face amongst hundreds of commuters, her heart beating like the train pulling into the station. 
There was nothing she could do, exhaustion and fatigue not only lined her features, but incapacitated her tense muscles too, she couldn’t move and they were coming. Another glance at the clock and time was up, and from the corners of her eyes she could see them coming, like wasps swarming.
She rolled the capsule under her tongue, licked her lips, and moved the pill between her teeth; time was gone…and she bit down hard.


Made it just in time this week...now to get back into a routine after the Summer Holidays!

14 comments:

  1. You captured the urgency and tension right from the start. I take it was a suicide pill? Or maybe it was one that would make her disappear? Whatever, I felt for the poor girl. Nicely done.

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    1. Thanks Sandra, yes, the old cyanide pill...but you could transpose it to a supernatural theme!

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  2. So tense! I love how you made the reader feel what she was feeling, the urgency and the finality of what she had to do! Excellent job!

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    1. I'm glad you caught the urgency and the tension! Thanks Christina.

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  3. A captured spy? I like the way you give the sense of time marching ahead without regard and the only way she can stop it is with a single bite on a bitter pill... A wonderful piece.

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  4. Wow. This packed a punch! Tension and desperation building to her final moment. This is one that will linger with me. Excellent!

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    1. Your comments are much appreciated, I'm glad it worked!

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  5. Lisa this is so very well done. When it started I thought it was going to be a story about a sad commuter but I should have known there were would be something underlying the moment. You are always able to add that extra compelling 'photo' in your stories. The pain is palpable.

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    1. I'm aiming to reach your standard Jo-Anne! I'm really enjoying connecting my photography to my fiction too. Sometimes it can prompt the story or I find something to compliment...that reminds me, must get over to Visual Dare!

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  6. I really like this - now i am wondering why? Great stuff!

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    1. Thanks Kate, I'd love to know why too...it's a pity she's gone, could have been interesting!

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  7. Oh, wow, such a lot of tension packed into five sentences. The story hooked me from the very beginning and held on tight. What a wonderful, suspenseful kapow of a story! Really well done.

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    1. I appreciate your comments Kern, it's great to know it worked how you planned!

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