Wednesday, 10 October 2012

Five Sentence Fiction: Sacrifice


It was the startled cry from indoors that brought him to his feet and his trembling fingers dropped the plastic figure; the toy soldier lay consigned to death as he was carelessly trodden on and buried face-down in mud.
Chilled by the shrieks from his house the small boy ran, his grubby knees weak and scared, and he yanked open the back door and took a stand.
His mother cowered and bleeding glanced up in dread and tried to wave him away, but her son failed to see the knife shining in her hand, and with blinding terror of his own he swung his fists at his inebriated father. 
The man towered and hollered and bear hands grabbed at the skinny child, and even with a knife deep within his back and another aimed at his barren heart, his drunken hands gripped tighter and tighter.
And dirty hands, once angry pummelling fists, dropped and fell open, and the little soldier gave himself for another.

This was written for Lillie McFerrin's Five Sentence Fiction one year Birthday celebration. We could choose any of the words used across the past year. So I chose one I missed early on when I first discovered Five Sentence Fiction: Sacrifice.

11 comments:

  1. Tragic. This is well done, but I can't say I liked it very much. Child victimization is just too grotesque for me.

    There wasa lot of shock value, too. The picture reminded me of the plastic soldiers my cousin had, and the times we played together.

    Cheers!
    JzB

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  2. A horrific story which made me feel uncomfotable reading it - that's far from being a critisim, it was incredibly realistic and shocking. Well done!

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  3. Wow! That's so sad that he had to die. Amazing story! Brought tears to my eyes. Great job!

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  4. Oh! Tears of anger and frustration at the bitter cruelties of life. I wish this story was something that could never happen in real life, but we know better. More than one son I know has stood up to defend his mother against the onslaught of an abusive husband/father. So tragic. This was so very well written that it creates an image that is hard to shake.

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  5. Oh Lisa, I know this wasn't easy to write for you, but you've done the story and the little boy justice in the telling of this story. The heroic act of a little boy is worth telling, even though it hurts. As always, strongly written. Heartbreakingly real.

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  6. That's really good stuff. Fantastic actually. Bravo.

    W.

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  7. The comparison of the toy soldier and the little boy works so well. A haunting difficult story to read but well written.

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  8. Yes, this was difficult to write, I thought of writing about soldiers, but soldiers aren't always adults, and they don't fight solely in wars. The tragedy of a lost child is one that doesn't sit well, and I don't think it's meant to. Sometimes life is tragic, sometimes we share that...and hopefully we always abhor the terrible things that happen and strive to do better. Maybe the next tragedy can be avoided...

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  9. Oh Lisa...this is such an amazing story so packed full of emotion and heartache-so brave and open. Unreal how you accomplished so much with these five. Big warm hug to you.

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