Monday, 15 October 2012

Poem Walk: Mysterious Rhapsody

Photograph by Lisa Shambrook (please do not use without permission)

Mysterious Rhapsody

Eyes flash green. Eventide drifts. The sun slips away to its bed. She stretches. Waits for dusk’s shroud to fall. Silver rays dance across her back. An elusive silhouette flirting beneath the moonlight.
Querulous squalls spit. Fear chills. Malevolent whispers murmur. She launches. Through the darkness. To lose the sudden repine. To escape the revenant incubus that breathes throughout the woods. 
Shadows loom. Menace exhales. Shivers ripple across her form. She dashes. La Luna beholds the black bullet. Chasing its rays. She escapes the gloom. An inquisitive curiosity cured.
Motionless trees.  Soft padding feet. Wood smoke fragrance filling the air. She hisses. Suddenly alert with feline beauty. Moonlight’s rays smouldering in lustful earnest. Grace dancing with every step.
Dewy fields.  River of jewels. Cast down beneath night’s glancing moon. She hurries. Through diamonds. Soft paws fly rhythmically. Writing twilight’s rhapsody. Scribing a masterpiece through the night. 
Iridescent. Wild chase done. She stands yet midnight’s carved statue. She stretches. Arches and yawns. She wanes. A wraith evanesce. An illusion. Silently moves to fade into indigo black.

(175 Words)


My entry into Bullishink and Dusty Journal's Poem Walk contest.
I struggled more with this than I do for flash fiction. This is somewhere between prose and more formal poetry, and I love it, but found it harder to fight the metering which I use with poetry!

12 comments:

  1. I love the way you've used short sharp sentences, really helps with the rhythm & movement of the cat, nicely done :) The reference to dew as diamonds is spot on.

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    1. I love writing about the moon and a sparkling river of diamonds is just what the moonlight does to dewy grass! Thanks Laura.

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  2. Oh, wonderful Poem Walk, filled with striking phrases!! "La Luna beholds the black bullet. Grace dancing with every step. Writing twilight’s rhapsody." This is beautiful, Lisa!!

    Thank you for entering our contest!! xoxo

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    1. Thanks Ruth, this was great fun to write, but I probably spent much more time on its structure than I was supposed to! It really was a lot more difficult than flash fiction...I wanted to use beat and meter, and gave in to that somewhat, but I'm happy with what I created!

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  3. A very beautful piece. I can picture everything as your words are just gorgeous! I'm also pleased you wrote about a creature rather than walking yourself. . I have just done the same and worried I had done it all wrong. Like you, I found it extremely hard. .
    But your descriptions of the cat are just awesome!!! I love cats! xxx

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    1. Looking forward to reading yours Lizzie! Cats are great to write about because they are so poetic and lyrical in themselves...or is that just me? It was fun to try something different!

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  4. How beautifully you've captured a cat's midnight adventures! As others have already said, the cat comes alive both through the imagery and structure. I'm tempted to quote the same lines Ruth referenced, because they leap right off the page into my little bag of "oh, I wish I'd written that!" Beautiful!

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    1. Oh, thank you Kern, I've got my own bag of 'Oh, I wish I'd written that!' and I've got phrases in it from all of you!

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  5. I have just been reading the poem walks in this challenge - have learnt such a lot, and wish I'd be brave enough to try it myself x.

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    1. Thanks Lesley, this one was difficult! Not written poetry for a while, and this a was a new variety! I'm sure you'd have enjoyed it.

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  6. I absolutely loved the images you have conjured up and the words you have used - I'll pick a different phrase from Ruth "Malevolent whispers murmur." But I could easily pick out many more - well done this works beautifully on so many levels, you can see and hear and feel the cat on it's moonlit walk.

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    1. Thanks Sarah, I tried to work with all five senses, so I'm glad you could get so much out of this piece!

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