Friday, 8 March 2013

Five Sentence Fiction: Whisper

Photograph by Bekah Shambrook (Please do not use without permission)

“Tell me, tell me what you see” she murmured, and I pulled the heavy fleece tighter around our shoulders as she relaxed into my arms, her grey hair tickling my stubbly chin.
“I see a huge ball of white flame, a golden orb, dancing on the horizon. The sky is on fire, and the few cotton clouds are bathed in molten bronze…” my words struggled to do the sunset justice, but she gripped my hand with such fervour, I continued to describe what I saw. “The sky’s turning indigo, from orange to violet to indigo, I can even see a few early stars, right up high…and the waves are lapping gently on the shore…”
“Ah, I can hear the ocean…” she spoke softly, her voice a reverent breeze, “What else can you see?” 
I stared at her, my hand brushing her cheek, I gazed right into her sightless eyes and whispered words formed in the soul of my heart, “I see beauty, perfect beauty…I’ve never, in my life, seen anything so beautiful…”



28 comments:

  1. That bought tears to my eyes.. You sure as hell have a way with words Lisa...xx

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    1. Aw, it did what it was meant to do! Thanks Rosalind x

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  2. So beautiful, Lisa. I really loved this one. :)

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    1. Thanks Sophie, this was so sweet to write...

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  3. I loved this... How you put the beauty of his wife in words. It was beautiful.

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  4. Gorgeous writing with picturesque words.

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  5. I love this! Aw, now I'm all teary -- in a good way. Really, really beautiful.

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  6. Lisa this was wonderful! Such a beautiful portrayal of love at its very best!

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    1. Thanks Josie, definitely true love...

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  7. This is beautifully written and deeply felt. Wonderful writing.

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    1. Thank you so much McGuffy Ann, lovely comment!

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  8. Great piece. Really enjoyed reading.

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  9. Oh Lisa, this is beautiful. Such powerful description of a pure love. xx

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    1. That's how I saw it too, the purity of love...

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  10. That's our Lisa - writing beautiful, emotional scenes that make us sigh. So very dear. :)) Hugs!

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    1. Thanks Jo, your comments mean a great deal to me!

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  11. Really lovely, great description, and love that he still loves her so much!

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    1. It's a beautiful love, thanks Miranda!

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  12. A beautiful and intimate moment shared. That was very powerful and I had a little trouble swallowing the lump that formed in my throat. Great job.

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  13. That was just beautiful, Lisa, and powerful.

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    1. Thanks for taking the time to comment Sharry, very much appreciated!

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