Thursday, 20 June 2013

Visual Dare: Precarious


A thin line runs between safety and peril, a narrow path between hitting the right or the wrong note.
Sadie’s thumb throbbed as she stubbed it whilst closing the kitchen cupboard. She took a moment and cocooned it in her hand, clasped to her heart then she continued serving up dinner.
Sadie’s thumb rubbed up and down her arm as she held her arms across her chest, and watched Alec eat. Her eyes followed every mouthful and she studied his hands as he gripped his knife and fork.
Sadie’s thumb moved lightly across her lips as he pushed his plate away and leaned back in his chair. He smiled, and she scooped up his plate and hurried to the kitchen.
Sadie’s thumb tapped nervously on the edge of the sink as she rested for a moment, relief flooding her tension. Today she is safe.

(144 Words)

Written for Anonymous Legacy's Visual Dare Week 25: Precarious.
Go look at the other great stories!

18 comments:

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    1. Thanks Miranda, glad you found it edgy, I think that's where she's living...on the edge!

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  2. Feels to me like an abusive relationship. One is always walking on eggshells.

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    1. Exactly what I was trying to get across...a life of precarious tension, thanks for reading!

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  3. How horrid to live with that stress... You captured it well..xx

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    1. Not nice at all...glad I don't have to!

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  4. Tragic concept, but handled beautifully. xo

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    1. Thanks Anna, your comments make me smile. x

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  5. oh wow, so intense. you captured the emotions so well, leaving me with my stomach in knots, yet admiring your beautiful work. well done.
    ~Miriam

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    1. Thanks, that's a lovely compliment, it's nice to know when writing works!

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  6. Yours is beautiful writing, Lisa. The woman's apprehension is palpable as she watches her son. The little 'tell', her nervous habit of moving her thumb, is perfectly drawn.

    Your portrayals are always so insightful.

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    1. I wanted the thumb movements to be telling, to increase the tension, thanks Jo, your comments are lovely!

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  7. Wow. The mounting tension in this one is gorgeous. Without overtly indicating abuse or enslavement, or any other vice, you've built up the palpable supsense that Sadie's safety is riding on that well cooked meal. Well done!!!

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    1. Thanks Angela, I'm glad the piece did what it was supposed to do...increase your concern about Sadie. Thanks for the compliment!

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  8. Like the repeated use of Sadie's thumb to build the tension in this - very well understated.

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    1. Thanks Sarah, I'm glad that came across so well!

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  9. I love when the heart of a piece is what's not written . . . when the description of one little scene tells a much larger story . . . You did that so well here. Heartbreaking but fabulously written piece!

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    1. I enjoy writing a scene and leaving things unsaid, sometimes what's not said is so much worse than what you know, isn't it... Thanks for commenting :)

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